Twisting Paths of the Dungeon, Somewhere, Thursday

[makemyownway.livejournal.com]

The pathways of the dungeon had changed overnight. Anyone who had stayed in a room beyond their welcome had found themselves booted out back onto the hallways that belonged to their camp and feeling pressed down by the sudden increase in gravity. The doors of yesterday had closed. Other doors had now opened.

And other routes.

[ pathways | gremlins | space battles | room of the past | flooded room | free space | strange vault | ooc NOTE: room doors not belonging to your camp will lock when you enter. so please designate whether you're from camp 1 or the joint camp 2/ camp 3 ]

Comments

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

"I want to love and be loved, Peter," Natalie said, seriously considering clamping her hands over her ears, now. "I don't think that should make me better or worse than anything."

"I wasn't trying," Natalie-on-the-bed said, pausing in the middle for a breath, "to break up with you."

"But you just did!" Sam snapped "You just did, Natalie. Because I asked you to tell me you wanted to end it and you didn't deny it. You are speaking in past tense. You 'gave', you 'wanted', you've 'tried.' It's past tense. I'm not stupid. And you haven't said anything else one way or the other!"

"It's not in your priorities, and trust me, I wish it wasn't in mine, either."

"I just wanted to talk to you!" The sobbing was starting up harsher again. "I was just trying to talk because I –– I couldn't handle it on my own anymore. And I told you because I thought you deserved to know."

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"Don't pretend to know what my priorities are," Peter said. "I want to be loved, too. But I think my self-respect is more important. Besides, this doesn't look like love, and the reason you can't look is because you know it. This is humiliation. You're being humiliated. And you go back for more every time."

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

"I deserved to know weeks ago."

"It's a two-way street, Peter," Natalie said. Staring at the wall because it was the least hurtful thing here. Sarcasm would work, right? "Two to tango, right?"

"Weeks. Before it got this bad. Before you started using words like doubt and distance and all that. But you didn't tell me until now. And even then, I made suggestions. I wanted to help. I wanted to bend over backwards and do even more to see you."

"He's not even wrong, you know. He's not lying."

"But it wasn't enough for you, Natalie. You do remember telling me that, right? That anything I basically said doesn't matter because I wouldn't be here permanently."

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"Will you actually look at this, Natalie?" Peter said. He glanced her way. "Or is it easier to keep going on about love when you're not staring this right in the face?"

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

Natalie glared at him. "You think easy even enters into the equation?"

"So, you tell me. You tell me what you want to happen, Natalie. Tell me."

"I don't have to look at it," she told him. Not even glancing at the room at large. "I know how it goes. I've had variations of this conversation enough times. This isn't even the time we broke up for good."

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"So tell me," Peter said, making a grandiose gesture at the imagery in front of him. "How often did this happen?"

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

"As this much of a disaster? Just this once." Well, maybe disregarding the conversation where they'd actually broken up for good. That had been equally painful, but not as combustive. And she was doing her best to keep her voice very, very level, now. Like that would protect her, somehow, even when she was honest. "But thematically, almost every time we talk. Just with less crying."

Speaking of which, past Natalie was still doing that, and it made it hard for her to talk. "I just don't want you to go."

And maybe that was the reason. She didn't want to be left alone.

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"I love my siblings more than anything on this planet, or in this multiverse, for that matter," Peter admitted. It wasn't exactly something he said often. "Both of them left me. One because I had to send him away, one because she'd rather spend her life with the brother who left than the brother who stayed."

He watched Natalie-on-the-bed for a few long moments.

"I loved them and I wanted them to love me," he said. "But it wasn't to be. We're family, so I'll never be completely rid of them, but there's no point in sacrificing your self-respect when you know it's not going to work."

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

"It's not a question of me not respecting myself," Natalie muttered, while Sam asked, "Why not?"

"And even if it was, I'd sacrifice some of that if it meant I could be happy."

"Why don't you want me to go? I can't help you, Natalie. You told me that. So, tell me why you want me to stay."

But being happy was hard, wasn't it? Ridiculously so. And then you ended up carrying these kinds of memories around. And trying to be friends with someone who didn't want to do that because he still felt too much, and suddenly you were With Benefits without the friends part.

"Because I love you?"

"You should make that a statement and not a question."

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"Val, I was afraid you wouldn't believe me. That you wouldn't believe I could do it."

"Peter, I believe you could do anything, and probably will."

Fun: Peter's memories were getting in the way of it all again. But at least this wasn't a terrible one, and he let the words settle until he was sure that was it.

"I see that's really worked out for you," he said. "I've lost the people I love. I'm still going. I'm not looking back. I'm not letting whispers into my head to steal my dignity."

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

"You're not letting much of anything else in, either," Natalie replied, finally half turning away from the wall. Hazarding a glance at the scene that she hoped would fade soon because past Natalie still looked like she could barely breathe, and present Natalie was worried about ending up in the same state if this didn't go away soon.

"I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm sorry."

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"Maybe not," Peter agreed. "But maybe it's time for you to stop acting like your priorities are much better than mine. If anything, they seem to be making you much more miserable."

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

"I never said they were better."

The hotel room finally, finally began to fade around them, to the sound of Sam saying "Yeah" like he simply no longer found anything else to say. Natalie shuddered and tried to regain her composure even though she felt like her insides had just been pulled out for the world to see.

Maybe one day she'd be in another cruel room like this and this would be the memory replayed for her enjoyment.

"Oh good, we're not doing the 'special occasion' bit. Guess that's something."

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"No," Peter said, though he lifted his chin at the expanse of grass in front of them, the tiny shapes of a twelve-year-old boy and a ten-year-old girl just up ahead. "Looks like I'm up to bat again. Hope this is the last one, or we're going to be stuck here for a while."

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

Natalie wiped the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand and didn't bother being discrete about it.

"I just want to get out of here."

Actually, she wanted to go home. But she'd persevere, now that the focus was off her again.

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"You're hardly alone in that," Peter said. He watched.

This wasn't a bad memory. If anything, it had resulted in something good. But it was complicated.

"Come on, threaten to kill me again, Peter," Valentine said, her eyes locked on his in their ongoing staring competition.

"So I've got a sick sense of humor. I'm sorry. You know I was teasing. I need your help."

"You're just what the world needs. A twelve-year-old to solve all our problems."

"It's not my fault I'm twelve right now. And it's not my fault that right now is when the opportunity is open. Right now is the time when I can shape events. The world is always a democracy in times of flux, and the man with the best voice will win. Everybody thinks Hitler got to power because of his armies, because they were willing to kill, and that's partly true, because in the real world power is always built on the threat of death and dishonor. But mostly he got to power on words, on the right words at the right time."

"I was just thinking of comparing you to him."

"I don't hate Jews, Val. I don't want to destroy anybody. And I don't want war, either. I want the world to hold together. Is that so bad? I don't want us to go back to the old way. Have you read about the world wars?"

"Yes."

"We can go back to that again. Or worse. We could find ourselves locked into the Warsaw Pact. Now, there's a cheerful thought."

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

Natalie crossed her arms, and watched, and listened. If nothing else, it was an interesting contrast, her at eleven and him at twelve. Maybe not favourable to her but she didn't care right now.

But ugh, the way she was emotionally raw right now made her wonder why he couldn't have gotten something obviously painful again. But she kept that to herself.

... No, actually: "Why couldn't you get something obviously painful again?"

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"Because I don't have those moments the way you do," Peter said. He had a lifetime of insults and snide comments from his mother and father, sure. A lifetime where his brother and sister ignored him. But nothing that had made him cry that hard. He was used to it. He found his own ways to get by.

"Peter, we're children, don't you understand that? We're going to school, we're growing up-"

"If I believe that, if I accept that, then I've got to sit back and watch while all the opportunities vanish, and then when I'm old enough it's too late. Val, listen to me. I know how you feel about me, you always have. I was a vicious, nasty brother. I was cruel to you and crueler to Ender before they took him. But I didn't hate you. I loved you both, I just had to be-had to have control, do you understand that? It's the most important thing to me, it's my greatest gift, I can see where the weak points are, I can see how to get in and use them, I just see those things without even trying."

He took a deep breath. "I could become a businessman and run some big corporation, I'd scramble and maneuver until I was at the top of everything and what would I have? Nothing. I'm going to rule, Val, I'm going to have control of something. But I want it to be something worth ruling. I want to accomplish something worthwhile. A Pax Americana through the whole world. So that when somebody else comes, after we beat the buggers, when somebody else comes here to defeat us, they'll find we've already spread over a thousand worlds, we're at peace with ourselves and impossible to destroy." He dropped his eyes again, but this time to hers, imploring. "Do you understand? I want to save mankind from self-destruction."

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

"I don't understand what it's like to be you," Natalie commented. Folded arms moving more just to holding herself, without her really deciding to do that. Her control had to give out on some things because this was a stressful day. Week. "But I'd be lying if I said I didn't envy some of it."

Just not most of it.

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"I don't believe what you did to those squirrels was part of an act. I think you did it because you love to do it."

Feeling too-exposed, thinking about his aggression, about his fear that he might be doing things just to assuage it, Peter wept into his hands. His cheeks were wet when he took his hands away, his eyes rimmed in red. "I know," he said. "It's what I'm most afraid of. That I really am a monster. I don't want to be a killer but I just can't help it."

"Val, if you don't help me, I don't know what I'll become. But if you're there, my partner in everything, you can keep me from becoming-- like that. Like the bad ones."

His eyes were still wet when he looked up and caught hers. Her head gave a little bob, a nod.

"I will. I'll help you."

Peter watched as the memory faded away to make room for a doorway. "You should be able to understand it," he said. "You're one of the sharpest women I've ever met. There really is absolutely no reason why you should let some guy rule your life, you know."

But now that the door was there, he was going to walk towards it.

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

Natalie swallowed her objections. This was really no time to get into... well, anything, more than they already had.

So she just followed him towards the door, and asked, "Do you remember the way back to your camp?"

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"I think so," Peter agreed. He glanced at her face. "You know the way back to yours?"

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

"Probably." Well, sometimes her memory actually worked in her favour, unlike in the last however long it had been. "The seeming foolishness of splitting up not withstanding."

Re: An Aged Door

[lockestheway]

"If you need me to walk you back to your camp, I will," Peter said.

Ahahah. It'd be more like the other way around; Peter was perpetually the weakest person in a room full of strong women.

Re: An Aged Door

[whenshewasnice]

Yeah, Natalie was not so tired and shut down as not to give him a mild look for that. "Peter," she said, "I took on an exceptionally intelligent vampire the other day, and lived."

It didn't feel like a good time to mention who it had been.

"I don't think I need to be walked home. But yes, I'd like you to come with me."